“Babe is that inflammation or have you been holding in a scream for 20 years?”
I came across that profound question on the internet, as one does these days and it really spoke to me. You know the old saying “we are only as sick as our secrets” or “those who will not hear must be made to feel” or insert whatever profound quote you have read somewhere about emotions and the body. If our bodies truly do store our stories, our pain as well as joy, our traumas and our dreams…how does that effect us? How does it effect the way we feel and walk around our world?
Well after a series of events, I see things differently than I did even a year ago. A year ago I had not lost a child, I had not truly been brought to my knees like I never could understand I would be.
But, these events changed the course of my life.
Six months ago, I would’ve thought that it was insane to get into groups with strangers,
tap into your emotions and look into someones eyes for 5 minutes. What would be the point of that?
But, that was six months ago and I am a different person than I was then. Loss makes you look for things, if you’re lucky. And, for me it made me look deeper inside of who I am. I realized that since I was a child, it’s really been difficult for me to vocalize anger, frustration and sadness and as someone who is nearing 50 years old, I realize that nobody should be able to take that from me, I should give that power to nobody else in this world.
I went to a Healing Seminar in Sedona. I wasn’t exactly sure what I was getting myself into and I definitely thought about leaving once or twice on the first day. I couldn’t understand what these people were doing and why their bodies were moving the way that they did , they were crying and screaming. I didn’t understand it. So, I judged it. Yet, I stayed.
At times the lights would be dimmed and the music would get blasted. It was just enough to drown out the person that may be next to you and slowly I started to let go. I moved to the music a little more, I swayed my body left and right, I closed my eyes, I let go of my head, relaxing. This was only one part of what we did, as mentioned above, we also looked deeply into the eyes of a complete stranger. That was so uncomfortable at first. But, after a few minutes our egos dropped off and we realized we were looking at a soul. I now see why this is important. We all walk around in these bodies that mask our internal esssence. Putting on the facade feels so much safer until you realize it is fucking exhausting.
This was a John Barnes healing seminar so all of these things are done intentionally. A series of hands on healing, energy work, structual corrections. I judged the process but, that’s nothing new for me. I tend to do that when I’m not certain of what is going on if I see somebody too relaxed, too happy, too ready to let go, realizing now that that’s my problem. Stiffening judgement.
I got on the table. Unsure sure what was going to happen and decided to lay my judgments to the side as John likes to say I “took my brakes off”. I understand that this is not easy for us to do, but after my profound experience, I realize that if I want to heal what I’ve been holding onto its what I needed to do.
I believe our fascia stores memories, emotions, toxins, traumas. We find ourselves with a stiff back, achy neck, bad knees etc sometimes. And we just cannot understand why. Sure that desk job probably isn’t helping the situation. But, our energy and bodies are not that simple. Go deeper, get quiet, go within. I left the seminar unsure of what happened or how it happened..all I knew was I felt better and more connected.
I was able to continue my studies through the Barnes method and took an Unwinding Seminar..I will likely write about that in the future. But, I went into the training with chronic lock jaw and a neck that still felt cemented onto my body. When I left after day 3, my neck was free and the following day I realized my jaw was no longer sticking and clicking. I let out a few good screams during this event as well. How strange such a primal act can truly hold so much power.
So, why do I feel this is an important enough story to share on the internet I think healing looks different for everybody, but I’m guessing that nobody gets out of this lifetime without some form or amount of pain and if that pain is not acknowledged, felt and let go, it will likely turn into a larger problem , that we carry with us in our bones, our muscles, cells, and our hearts.
Unwinding from all that binds you may be the biggest gift you can give yourself.
Not all of us can go to Sedona for a few days to “feel things”. I get it, I know that it’s difficult to get away and to find some private time, but if something is weighing heavy on your heart, I would encourage you to play some music, get quiet, tap into your body and let that shit out.
If you are curious how I can facilitate helping you move through a holding pattern, physical or emotional “stuckness” or even just a sore back, please feel free to reach out and book an appointment or send me a message so that we can talk about ways to let go of what you may be ready to let go of.
